There`s a county map to go on the wall
A hurling stick & a shinty ball
The bric, the brac, the craic & all
Lets call it an Irish pub
Caffreys, Harp, Kilkenny on tap
The Guinness pie & that cabbage crap
The ideal wannabee Paddy trap
We`ll call it an Irish pub

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I swear upon the holy book
The only `craic` you`ll get is a slap in the ear
Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I`ll up & burst yer filthy mug
If you draw one more shamrock in me beer!

We`ll raise the price o` beer a dollar
We`ll make em wear a shirt & collar
We`ll fly a bloody tri-colour
And call it an Irish pub
Jager bombs & double shots
The underagers think its tops
We`ll spike the drinks & pay the cops
We got us an Irish pub

The quick one in the filthy bog
The partin` glass across the lug
O` the lady-O, the dirty dog
We got us an Irish pub
It`s over to me and over to you
We`ll skip along the Avenue
And who t`hell is Ronnie Drew?
We got us an Irish pub





Plasma screens & neon lights
Kara-farkin-oke nights
The bouncers they can pick the fights
We`ll call it an Irish pub
Plastic cups, a polished floor
We`ll hose the blood right out the door
And let the knucklers back for more
We got us an Irish pub

Oh top o` the mornin`, Garryowen
Kiss me I`m Irish, Molly Malone
Failte, Slainte, Pog ma thon
We got us an Irish pub
Spike the punch & strip the willow
Strike me up the rakes o` Mallow
The Liffey never ran so shallow
We got us an Irish pub